Ashes
by thkq1997
Summary: A Jedi mourn her own faith... [ One - Shot ] [ Barriss Offee ] [ Pre - 66 ]


** Ashes**

The darkness consumed her, it holds her in its invisible grasp, even the moon is bright outside, but everything in her vision was blackened.

Outside they are celebrating, music and cheer, singing and dancing, inside she mourns, mourn of what she lost here, on this very planet.

The task was tough she knows, but she manages to gain a victory for the Republic, minimum casualties.

The leader of the resistance aligns himself with the Separatist, but then again, when she came, there was no droid in sight.

Only people bringing up their weapons and pointed them at her, the peacekeeper.

Is that what she thought she was?, or it just a illusion about her keeping the peace?

Or she just a monster like count Dooku himself?

Her men slaughter the people who were trying to defend their home, cut through all the defensive lines and finally made it to the command center, where she saw him, lightsaber in hand, she deflect all the shots from him.

And take his life from him, his soul was long gone into the cold night air, but his eyes just keep haunting her.

And the whispers when she ran the saber through the defenders, whispers that don't go with the wind, but keep haunting her, taunting her, killing her from inside out.

Whispers of regret, whispers of mourn, of loses.

When you are a healer, your mind reading skill is stronger than a normal Jedi, she needs to know what they are thinking, and use it to comfort them, to sway them away from their own dying breath.

A healer, a Jedi who brings life, now she just only brings death.

Death that she was forced to bring, death she was trying to prevent by asking them to surrender, death when she saw their eyes determine to keep her hands away from their homes.

And now she sat in her own quarter, cover with only darkness and sadness.

Whispers and those eyes just keep looking and staring at her, taunting her every move, mocking her every word, and laughing at her every tear.

Tear of a monster, of a warmonger.

Whisper keeps lingering in the air; air that was so hard to breathe in is suffocating her.

''I'm sorry I didn't make it, tell her I love her for me…..''

''I'm sorry I can't keep my promises, mother I'm such a bad son…''

''I'm sorry, take care of her for me….''

''Sheela, I love you forever my love, and please love my children for me like I loved you, I'm sorry I can't go home for dinner tonight…''

''I'm sorry…''

''I'm sorry…''

Whispers just keep torturing her, keep killing her, when they are all sorry to those they loves and loved, and she took them from their love ones forever, they moved on, but they left her with part of their wishes for forgiveness.

''I'm sorry…..'' a meaningless apology to someone in the wind, coming from her, the healer, to those she had killed, to those her men had killed, but what's the point?, what's done is done.

She held her lightsaber in her hand, and pointed the handle away from her body, leaving the part where the place comes out in her abdomen.

Is not just here, is not just this place, she suffered a long time ago, she suffered the loss of those she saw dying, of those she failed in healing, all because of this war, a war that make her suffer, the galaxy crying for mercy.

She mourn, not just the whisperers, not just painful memories of those lifeless eyes staring at her, cursing her, but she mourn her faith, her trust in those she called her family.

How did she suppose to keep the peace? When she is crushing it before the eyes of the senate?

Her finger on the button, but something her mind screaming her to stop, to stop thinking like a child

Peace and tranquility, all are lies?

Her mind forces her to push, but her body resist.

The Jedi represent the light side of the force, or they just fooling themselves?

She put the saber closer, determination screaming across her mind, just one push.

Maybe the Count was right?

One push, and her suffering will end, the whispering will stop

Maybe the Jedi was wrong all along…

End her life now, end her sorrow, and end her future.

A future was nowhere to be in sight, all are lies of a better tomorrow.

She griped the saber tighter in her hand, but her body keep resisting.

A Jedi killed herself, such a coward…..

A tear streak down her green cheek, she hold it tighter, before she let her whole body take over, her hand lifted up, and throw the saber away across the room.

She let her hands covered her face, to shed the tears she burst out, her body trembling, her hand shaking, her mind hurting, everything just keep torturing her.

And the whisperings keeps on flying the air that was so hard to breathe.

A coward….planning to end her own life while the rest of the universe suffering, why is she the one to face all this, on all beings that can, she is the one fate chooses.

A Jedi

A Jedi that brings death and tears to those who are suffering, they said the count bring pains and loses, but they were wrong.

The Jedi was no better than the Count himself.

Corrupted

But the tears keeps on flowing, her mind wondered somewhere off this planet, off this galaxy, when she let her eyes onto the ceiling.

There was no better tomorrow.

Death was all she can see

Whispers of those who moved on haunted her

Memories of those didn't have to suffer anymore pierce through her.

Ashes to ashes, Dusts to dusts.


End file.
